As I started to write out my 2020 "to-do" list, it occurred to me that this year will mark 10 years of blogging on Books N Brew - WA. I've got Lasagna sauce simmering on the stovetop, bone broth going in my instant pot, and I am about to take down the Christmas decorations. In this moment though I wanted to reflect a bit back thru the decade, review where I am now, and look forward into what comes next.
There have been so many changes over the past decade. I've gone from a single gal with a cat in my one bedroom apartment, to a married woman with a great husband and a dog in a country setting. Missy Kitty has passed on, but she left a big impression on our hearts that Sauk the Destroyer fills most everyday.
We've lost family and loved ones, friends, and have said goodbye to what seems simpler times (just by seeing the technology evolve). But we have gained so much more than just trinkets and material things. We've gained family, friends, new jobs, new skills, gained knowledge and perspective. But above all else, we have each other.
As I look forward to this next decade (and man by that time I'll be 51!), I try and think to myself - self, where do you want to be? How do you want to feel in 10 years? What if you could tell your 31 year old self ONE thing that you know now, that you had wished you had known then? Let me give you a minute to think on it. I'm going to do that myself...
I had to take longer than a minute. It's a hard question. If you changed the past, you wouldn't be sitting where you are today. And neither would I. But, there is something I could have done, had I realized that time was limited. If I could write a letter or a cookie fortune that would have hit me in a time that I needed it - it would say that. Time is limited - Spend it wisely with those you love.
My one regret of the past decade is not spending more time with Grammy. Grammy passed on at the end of 2010, and in that year I did not get enough visits in. You could say I was super depressed having just lost my dad. I fought it and hard, but weekends were spent sleeping. It was when I started this blog I started to come out of my fog. I spent more time with friends, I threw the epic St. Pats feast, I threw an awesome Cajun feast, spent time fishing with friends, and I met my husband. After that meeting, I went and saw my Grams. I told her I thought I found my one. She smiled. It's that smile and even her smirk I miss most on this day.
Thinking of now, what would I wish my 51 year one old self would tell me today? I know time is limited. I try and call and visit with my mom and sister and her kids as much as possible (living 4 hours away with a mountain pass between us). I feel connected via social media platforms to other family members afar. We have great local friends who we see and embrace those friendships like a warm blanket. We host a large gathering every year and in that moment - when everyone sits down to eat, to consume what we've put heart and soul into; and wander about our grounds to see what new things we've done to our place - is when I feel content.
I think my older self would tell me two major things. One is that the health changes that I am focusing on this year - move more, eat nourishing foods, shifting my mindset and refocusing on positive thoughts, and to let go of stress and drama - are my top priority and will lead to a fruitful decade of life. Due to some health issues, if I don't turn it around, or at least start the U turn, the next decade after this could be daunting.
The second is that forgiveness - even of those who don't deserve it - is about your own peace of mind. Forgive those who trespass on you or have done so in the past. Let old wounds heal, scab and scar over. You don't have to put yourself through pain to heal, but write them down, toss them into the fire and let them go. Take one step toward a better you by forgiving others, as well as yourself.
So if you are reading this - take a moment to think of one person that you may hold away from yourself. Maybe they were were unintentionally mean or cruel - with words, actions or indifference. Change your perspective and try to think of things from their point of view. Don't cast blame - don't think of the hurt that they caused. Don't let their words continue to cut you down. Forgive them for they may not have known how deep they hurt you. Forgive them for they may also have been facing their own demons. Forgive them because it's good for you to do so.
Take three deep breaths (hard for me to do right now without coughing) and let it go. Only you have the power to not let them continue to harm you. Holding onto hurt and anger only hurts yourself. In the grand scheme of all things - it's just better for you to let it all go and focus on the positive and let those hurts be life lessons.
In the last 10 years there have been many folks I've forgiven from afar, some more recent than others. One in particular comes to mind. This person was a part of my life in so many aspects. I was hurt by words, by actions, by indifference and after a long while of saying nothing - I let it be known I was hurt. Afterward, instead of throwing a tantrum I left the situation so I did not feel like I was a pawn in the middle of a chess game. I forgave the person in my mind almost immediately, but I needed distance. I don't choose to initiate interaction, and to this day - they've not done the same with me. I hold no hate or any grudge for this person - even though they seem to still make it difficult for those in mutual circles. I only hold love of our fond shared memories - and wish them nothing but good fortune.
There are others with minor trespasses that I've forgiven - but not forgotten. Those I'm still working on letting go 100% - but I won't allow any hurt or pain to hold space in my mind or heart.
My little slice of heaven does not have room for grudges and hate. Our gardens blossom due to time, attention, love, a little luck, patience, and a lot of perseverance.
My way doesn't work for everyone. There is no right path to happiness - and some folks will always just be miserable. You gotta find your own happy! I have and am looking forward to spreading it in the next decade!
Finally you may wonder what is in store for Books N Brew going into the second decade! More books, more reading, more cooking - and using food as fuel to help my health journey (more on that later), and more overall happiness and wellness from our little slice of heaven!
Just keep this in mind for 2020 and beyond. Your future is not yet written. Do something today that will honor your past, be present, and prepare you for the future. Take one moment each day - look around you and see how blessed you truly are.
Blessings of light, joy, love, and luck,
Amy
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